First Step Sunday

I spent a couple of hours Sunday going over my 1st step with my sponsor. It wasn't what I expected. I think I expected scrutiny. Probing. Prodding. And it was anything but that. You know one thing that I know??? I made a good decision on who I picked as my sponsor. I needed a no non-sense kinda girl. A lady with an edge. And that is my sponsor. She led me to the process of Step 1 and then let me walk thru it. It was gentle. Loving. And I processed. Not what I expected.
What I wanted was quite another thing altogether....like that's a surprise right?
I decided last week that I needed to get the lead out. Start working thru the steps. I have heard that people walk thru the steps in different ways. I have gone thru an in depth step group for a whole year. Focusing on 1 step a month. Talk about time consuming. I can't say really that I got alot out of it....except for relationships with the ladies that I still call my sisters that went thru that group with me. We still hang out weekly. I also worked thru the steps with a counselor. I worked thru the steps out of order. I worked the steps I wanted to. So on and so forth.
So this time back in the 'rooms' I decided that I needed to do the steps because I wanted to. And because I have heard that they are the way that they are and in the order they are in for a reason. Are ya sure about that??? And ME. Yeah. I had decided that I would plow right thru them. See....I actually WANT to get to step 4. There is some clean up to do and I am ready.....scrub brush in one hand and a can of Comet in the other!! Lets go!!
So today I wanted to just read my stinkin answers and move to Step 2. Which I got. I got this. Something like this...
* Step 1...Check
** Step 2...Check Check
*** Step 3....Check Check and Check
Then the FIX me part can begin. Ouch. I just realized that it's 'all about me'. Ewww!!! But you see sponsor with her wisdom and solid program knows what I need more than I do. Talk about humble. And I was humbled. In a sweet loving 'slow your ass down daughter' kind of way by my loving God. Thru the hands of my sponsor.
So, now with Step 1 completed. Again. I know that I am powerless over alcohol. It's effects. It's lies. It's power. Cunning, baffling, powerful. I am not messing around with that fire and madness. Not today. And God willing not tomorrow.
I have also picked up the 12 and 12 at the suggestion of another fellow. Interesting stuff. In there. I am seeing ME all up in the first 3 Steps.
I'm going to stop here and let my brain catch up. I need to continue to process this afternoon. And one thing that I will share before I close tonite....
I read in the 12 and 12 a little ditty of a sentence that goes like this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.....(and here is the profound part)
NOT MY WILL.....BUT YOURS BE DONE. Amen.
I am changing this up. In my head from now on. Every time that Serenity Prayer is said...in my head and my heart...I will end it with Not my will but YOURS be done. Maybe this will be another way for me to express my reliance on the God of my understanding....and remove me from the throne.